I don’t know where to start. Since it’s sort of anonymous, I’ll start by saying I think I’m depressed. No I haven’t seen a doctor, how can someone measure feelings? 

I’ve been getting these old feelings again. The ones that creep up when I’m laughing with friends, and make me suddenly stop- mid laugh. The ones that make me sob to songs, or ponder my existence. 

I don’t know what to do with them. Maybe this will help.  



Finals. Crunch time. Coffee. Catnaps. Late nights. Cramming. Procrastination.
Basically churning up your brain for zombies to drink.


Of my eighteen years, I’ve never had anyone to look up to. When I was in elementary school, and we would have to do some sort of activity about an idol, or a hero, I wouldn’t have any. I felt like I was the only one, I would have to make up someone, like Walt Disney (he draws well and spreads happiness) or Jim Carry (he makes people laugh… horrible idols).

I’m the oldest of my 5 other siblings, so I had no trail to follow, I was the experiment; I had no one to look up to, no example to live by. I couldn’t choose a parent as a hero or idol because then there would be arguments as why I have a favorite, and plus, I don’t want to end up like either one.

But I guess now, it’s safe to say that I have a hero. Someone who saved me, not literally speaking. I’m not talking about a dashing guy in tights, just someone as simple as a friend that stuck around. When I tell him or myself that I have he’s my hero, it really feels weird, almost foreign to my tongue. I’ve never said those words to anyone.

Being a hero doesn’t require super-abilities or a cape, although they do look pretty bad ass. All it took was for someone to stick around. Not say that they’ll always be there, just like every generic person says, but rather actually stay by your side no matter what. And I mean even if everyone you know is against you, even if society is against you (I hope I’m not encouraging riots or rebels to rise). Even when you are told to leave, and you still stay. Someone to lean on is all it takes to save one. Support, encouragement, loyalty, honesty,care. That’s what it took to save me.

So for anyone that is alone, or doesn’t have someone to count on or fall back on, don’t lose all hope. Because there is someone out there that will rescue you. Maybe not the best timing, of course, but along the road, you’ll bump into someone who is worthy enough to call your hero.

Interracial Marriage

I wanted to choose the topic of multiracial families, even though there was only one small little paragraph about it in my book. I am not only apart of a blended family (post nuclear) I am also apart of a multiracial family. I’m 3 races, and on top of my mom being a Japakin, and my dad being a full Haitian, my step mother is Bulgarian, and step dad is Hispanic.  I think, being apart of so many different cultures, really opens your tolerance for others as you become more accepting to different things. Or as Mrs. Patino says,”A multitude of cultures, living in close quarters with each other and learning to accept and appreciate their differences and similarities.”

The book didn’t say much about the effects of multicultural families, just primarily the history if how it used to be forbidden, so I wanted to find something more closely related to the heart. What better way than a blog of a white woman married to a Hispanic man? She explains the difficulties she faced (faces) with joining an entirely new culture. “..his parents gave him the talk…you know…the one where they tell him that a woman who isn’t Mexican (or at the very least, Latina) isn’t suitable for marriage.  He was told that he could only marry a Latina…period…and it was preferred that she be Mexican.  His mother would harp on him again and again that he’d better NEVER marry a black woman (that’s saying it politely).  And of course, I got the same speech from my mother (at age twelve no less!)”, says Mrs. Patino. There is always this pressure, not always in that form, but maybe in stereotypes or crude humor with smart remarks, it feels like it’s a sort of judgement that is always given, as if the other person isn’t “one of us”.

I can’t even imagine how it was for my great grandparents and grandparents. My great grandparents were immigrants from Japan, both full Japanese. All three of their kids (my grandma being one), married to someone not of Japanese decent. My grandma Nancy to a Mexican, and my aunt Taki to a Mexican as well, and an uncle to a white woman. I’m sure there were arguments  but why would there need to be any in the first place? Who’s to say marrying outside of race is bad?

Our good ol’ history of course. As Conley states,”…from 1913 to 1948, 30 states enforced antimiscegenation laws, primarily aimed at black-white unions.” Slowly after the unconstitutional ruling of the laws, mixing races has become more accepting. However, that doesn’t mean everything is fine and dandy, I recall one hilarious moment; it was a track meet and I was walking with my bf (now ex), he was a lighter Mexican, who could easily pass as white, and this black couple passing us slowed their pace and stared at us, with the most distraught and confused expressions on their face. I couldn’t help but laugh after I passed them, but it’s funny how it’s still seen as such a shock.

I even discussed this problem with an old team-mate, and she said she gets looks all the time, with her being white and in a relationship with a mixed African-American, I don’t think she had it that bad since he was pretty light, but    she still expressed the same sort of feelings that I had. People need to be more accepting of differences and stop being so hostile when something new comes along.

” There needs to be more transparency and education about true diversity…not just the ‘token’ acknowledgement.  Throwing a black character into a television show does not create diversity or multiculturalism.  In order to find understanding, we must be clued in to the experiences of people of color.” When I read this statement by Mrs. Patino, I couldn’t agree more. This especially caught my eye because of the analyzing media project I’m doing for my class, in commercials, you’ll see dominantly more white people, and occasionally a few black people, like 4 white girls and one black girl in the back. It isn’t full acknowledgement.

I usually don’t open up about this frequently, but I’m attempting to be apart of those rare exogamy relationships. Not necessarily speaking in marriage, but just a relationship. I have been talking to a native Hawaiian for a few months now, although I’ve known him for years, it is now taking a different turn as we constantly talk. And I swear I thought I had the culture thing down, being so that there’s so many different ones in my family, but it is just completely different. It was a shock to me, but I’m not saying it was bad. I enjoyed discovering something so new. Almost everyday I would bug him to tell me a story, a Hawaiian story, or what we call myths or legends. I was so into how even everyday life was completely different. Him and his family are so kind and accepting, they’re willing to take me in, a complete stranger. My mother, on the other hand, isn’t as accepting. She even thought that he would be turned against if I bought him a California shirt to wear.

I don’t mean to look at it and always analyze things, but I do, and in a sociological way. I even considered blogging about it, and how it progresses  just to help others in a similar situation, and also for my interest. “As another blogger puts it, “…people in an interracial marriage or bicultural marriage [can be] ambassadors or diplomats…I think we have a responsibility to use our marriage as a teaching tool for others who haven’t had the learning opportunity that we’ve had“.  Well said!  This should be our goal as interracial couples“, I couldn’t agree more, and I believe if I get my story out there, that it actually can affect people in a positive way to help people be more open-minded and accepting to multicultural families and interracial marriages.

The ‘Good’ & ‘Bad’ of Interracial Relationships | Bicultural Mom                        http://www.biculturalmom.com/2012/04/09/the-good-bad-of-interracial-relationships/

Pooch At VG

Pooch At VG


Nocturnal Night Owl

Sleep… I know sleep is good.

But I feel more alive at night.

I’d go asleep earlier if I could,

But I can’t, even if I try with all my might…

It’s frustrating at times,

Difficult to rearrange my clock.

Now I’m typing rhymes.

Seems to be a new epoch.


Jonah playing the guitar

I believe that music is a beautiful thing and that it is universal. It helps people understand others by using sounds and rhythms. You don’t need to speak the same language to understand when something is suspenseful, or if someone is recovering from a heart break or something tragic. It brings people together, from concerts to just sharing you Ipod with a person next to you. You can bond by sharing similar tastes, or explore and share new music. It can also help you open your eyes to see other cultures. Or even just understand where one person is coming from.


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